Domestic violence causes the end of many marriages. When the breaking point comes, it often involves a restraining order. In many cases, the breakup is triggered by an incident in which someone calls 911. But in some cases, especially when minor children are involved, it is preferable to avoid a restraining order and/or a 911 call.
The 911 call is necessary when circumstances reach a heightened and urgent level of conflict. A restraining order is necessary when an abuser is not deterred by the principle of breaking the pattern of abuse and doing the right thing. So in many cases, a more orderly breakup is not possible.
When a more orderly breakup is possible, though, it can come about by the more constructive actions of one or both of the parties. If the abusive party acknowledges the abusive dynamic of the relationship, that goes a long way towards facilitating a smooth separation. That provides for a recognition, at a calm and reasoned point in time, that a transition needs to happen – a transition that will benefit both parties since both parties benefit from ending the abusive patterns.
Also, if the abused party resolves to make a change and end the abusive relationship when circumstances are not at a heightened urgency, that party can transition into a safe environment without invoking the assistance of peace officers.
Best yet, if both parties mutually acknowledge that a non-abusive relationship is not possible, then both parties can take the steps necessary to make an orderly transition that avoids the tension and conflict of a 911 call or proceedings for a Domestic Abuse Order for Protection or harassment restraining order.