Parental alienation is the phrase used to describe one parent’s intentional efforts to fuel a child’s negative feelings about the other parent. The phrase is used loosely in many situations involving parents who do not get along well. But there are many cases in which a parent’s campaign to alienate a child from the other parent is real and consequential.

Parental alienation is an example of the problems that arise from high-conflict co-parenting. It stands to reason that if there the less conflict between the parents, and the higher level of cooperation, communication and mutual respect, that better the child will fare. And there are some parents who experience conflict and a lack of cooperation but who do not engage in any kind of parental alienation.

When parental alienation is present, the alienating parent is likely to deny any intentional alienation. They will argue that the child is not bonded with the other parent, and that the problem has nothing to do with their own alienating behavior. Either way, the situation calls for the involvement of a therapist. If the real problem is a lack of bonding, and not parental alienation, the relationship dynamics can be improved with therapy. And if the real problem is actual parental alienation, the situation can also be improved with a family therapist.

The most unfortunate scenario is one where custody is modified as a result of parental alienation. The family court has the authority and discretion to do this. But how sad for (a) a child’s living situation to be disrupted by (b) being placed into the primary custody of a parent about whom the child has been fed lots of negative information and (c) the child may have no good understanding of why this is happening.

The typical mediation involves five people: the mediator, the two parties and the attorneys for the two parties. (Alternatively, there will be just the parties and the mediator, or perhaps one party will have an attorney and one will not.) If the parties are unable (or unwilling) to meet together, then the mediation will proceed in separate rooms – one party and their attorney in one room, and the other party and their attorney in the other room, with the mediator moving between rooms conducting shuttle diplomacy.

Parties may be unable to meet together because of a history of domestic violence or the existence of a restraining order. If the parties are not otherwise unable to meet together, one or both parties may choose to meet in separate rooms to reduce the tension and avoid a destructive confrontation. (Since mediation is voluntary, so too should the prospect of meeting together in one room be voluntary.)

The session may begin together, and then break out into separate rooms for parts of the session, or possibly for the remainder of the session. The breakout may happen at the request of a party, at the request of an attorney, or at the direction of the mediator. Most often the party or attorney calls for a caucus so that the party and attorney can confer privately. Most often the mediator calls for a caucus because at times more progress can be made using the shuttle diplomacy model.

In addition to the mediator meeting with one party and the party’s attorney, there will sometimes be occasions for the mediator to meet with the attorneys only. Mediators often choose this option in order to determine the most efficient use of time, by addressing with the attorneys what discourse might be helpful in reaching resolution versus other discourse that might simply be a waste of time.