Archive for Parenting Time

Parental Alienation

· October 31, 2019

Parental alienation is the phrase used to describe one parent’s intentional efforts to fuel a child’s negative feelings about the other parent. The phrase is used loosely in many situations involving parents who do not get along well. But there are many cases in which a parent’s campaign to alienate a child from the other parent is real and consequential.

Parental alienation is an example of the problems that arise from high-conflict co-parenting. It stands to reason that if there the less conflict between the parents, and the higher level of cooperation, communication and mutual respect, that better the child will fare. And there are some parents who experience conflict and a lack of cooperation but who do not engage in any kind of parental alienation.

When parental alienation is present, the alienating parent is likely to deny any intentional alienation. They will argue that the child is not bonded with the other parent, and that the problem has nothing to do with their own alienating behavior. Either way, the situation calls for the involvement of a therapist. If the real problem is a lack of bonding, and not parental alienation, the relationship dynamics can be improved with therapy. And if the real problem is actual parental alienation, the situation can also be improved with a family therapist.

The most unfortunate scenario is one where custody is modified as a result of parental alienation. The family court has the authority and discretion to do this. But how sad for (a) a child’s living situation to be disrupted by (b) being placed into the primary custody of a parent about whom the child has been fed lots of negative information and (c) the child may have no good understanding of why this is happening.

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Categories : Child Custody, Parenting Time, Uncategorized

Main Track and Crisis Track in Parenting Plans

Posted by Gerald Williams

· July 31, 2019

· No Comments

When separated parents are working out a co-parenting arrangement, and one of the parents suffers from mental illness, alcoholism, or chemical dependency, the other parent sometimes will often be concerned about a potential crisis. The crisis would involve the addict parent’s relapse or the mentally ill parent’s breakdown. So the other parent will seek a parenting plan that factors the potential crisis into the regular parenting schedule. They may seek curtailed parenting time, supervised parenting time, or even the suspension of parenting time altogether. Sometimes this will happen in an effort to disingenuously gain an advantage in the parenting schedule. But sometimes it will be a completely genuine concern.

Not only does an emphasized focus on the potential crisis improperly stigmatize the parent with addiction or mental illness, it is a disservice to the child(ren) as well. The children deserve to have a parenting schedule that is “normal.” It is more constructive to create a parenting plan that has a Main Track and a Crisis Track. The Main Track is the parenting schedule that proceeds without regard to the addiction or mental illness. It allows normalcy for the affected parent and (probably more importantly) the children. The Crisis Track is the schedule (or conditions, or suspension of parenting time) that is to be in place in the event of a crisis.

There is the potential for the parties to disagree about the occurrence or onset of a crisis, and whether the Crisis Track should be triggered or not. But establishing a Main Track and a Crisis Track is helpful in moving beyond getting the parenting plan worked out.

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Categories : Child Custody, Mental Health, Parenting Plans, Parenting Time

Right of First Refusal

Posted by Gerald Williams

· September 14, 2017

· 4 Comments

When separated co-parents establish the grounds rules for their parenting schedule, it is common to include a “right of first refusal.” The right of first refusal allows an “off-duty” parent to care for the child(ren) during the other parent’s parenting time if the “on-duty” parent is gone for a while. The “off-duty” parent is made aware, in advance, that the child will be in the care of a third party because of the “on-duty” parent’s absence, and given the opportunity to provide care instead of the third party.

The right of first refusal may apply to an overnight, or for a block of time, such as four (4), six (6) or eight (8) hours – whatever the parties agree to, or whatever is devised by the court or decision-maker.

One issue that often arises with the right of first refusal is the situation in which it applies to children’s spending time with grandparents or extended family. If the ROFR is applied strictly in every situation, then the children would theoretically never have sleepovers at a friend’s house, or long visits with grandparents. Conversely, a parent could circumvent the ROFR altogether if grandparents are deemed an exception to the ROFR rule, and grandparents live nearby.

Most commonly, the right of first refusal applies to avoid children being in the care of a babysitter when they could be with their other parent.

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Categories : Parenting Time

Child Support is for Children’s Expenses

Posted by Gerald Williams

· July 29, 2013

· No Comments

When child support is calculated in accord with the guidelines of Minnesota statutes, both parents’ incomes are considered. The statute provides a table for the basic amount of support that children need, based upon the combined income of the child’s two parents.

When the parents have equal, or nearly equal, parenting time, the amount of child support is less, often substantially less, than when the child resides primarily with one parent. The reason for the lesser amount is the expectation that both parents will contribute to the child’s basic needs on a day-to-day basis. The higher earning parent pays a small sum of basic support to the lower earning parent, and both parents contribute to the child’s expenses over time. If the parents have similar incomes then there is little or no child support changing hands.

When the child resides primarily with one parent, the non-custodial parent pays child support to the other parent and is not expected to contribute to normal living expenses for the child, other than the child’s food and entertainment expenses during that parent’s parenting time. The parents may need to reach agreement about substantial expenses such as summer camps, school trips, or big purchases, if such expenses cannot be paid by the custodial parent from that parent’s income and the other parent’s child support payments.

If the statutory calculation of child support creates a troublesome dispute for parents, they may be able to agree to an alternative that avoids any need for child support. For some separated couples, a better resolution can be devised by agreeing on the child’s basic expenses, and determining a fair division of those expenses, whether by category, by relative percentages, or by creating a schedule for taking turns shouldering that burden. One parent may be responsible for clothing, school lunches, and school activity fees; and the other parent is made responsible for music lessons, sport registration and equipment. Or the parents can maintain a joint bank account for children’s expenses, and make deposits in accord with their share of the responsibility (which may or may not be based upon income). Or a higher earning parent can cover the children’s expenses for the first two months or each quarter, and the lower earning parent can cover the last month of each quarter.

If the parties agree on what expenses the children incur that are tangible, then the intangible expenses that parents incur, such as housing that accommodates the child, and the additional food and utilities that a child brings, can be absorbed by each parent.

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Categories : Child Custody, Child Support, Parenting Time

When Child Care Costs End

Posted by Gerald Williams

· June 2, 2013

· No Comments

Under Minnesota law, parents have the obligation of financially supporting their children. The child support statutes provide for basic child support, child care support and medical support. Basic child support is the sum paid by one parent to the other for basic expenses of the child or children. Child care support is the allocation between the parents of day care, before-school and after-school expenses. (Medical support is the allocation between the parents of a child’s health insurance and health care expenses.)

Most of the time, when a child is old enough not to attend daily child care, the parents agree that time has come, and the child is no longer enrolled in day care. In some cases, what begins as a looming dispute about continuing a child in day care is resolved by the parents’ mutual desire to unload the financial burden of child care costs.

So what if the dispute persists? There is no set age when a child no longer needs supervision. It depends on the individual child and his or her level of maturity. Moreover, many custody neutrals and parenting consultants are precluded from addressing financial issues. The issue of child care is both a co-parenting issue and a financial issue.

The issue has the potential to land before the family court for decision. That is the result if the parents disagree about whether to incur the child care costs AND the parents cannot agree on a method for resolving the dispute outside of family court. If the parents cannot agree about the decision, they would be well-served to at least agree on how to arrive at the decision, whether that be mediation or a custody neutral who is appointed to make the decision. As with so many other family law issues, the family court should be the last resort.

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Categories : Child Custody, Child Support, Parenting Time

Four Primary Issues in Divorce

Posted by Gerald Williams

· January 24, 2013

· No Comments

While a divorce can be a challenging process, there are four primary issues in divorce that must be addressed . After the initial difficult decision of whether to pursue a dissolution action, many parties wonder where to begin in sorting through the many pieces of the marital relationship. One helpful place to start is to realize that there are two primary issues that apply to every divorce and two additional primary issues that apply when the divorcing couple has minor or dependent children:

Property Division

Almost every marital estate includes assets and debts. Both must be identified, disclosed, and divided equitably between the parties. Assets commonly include: the marital homestead, other real estate, stocks and bonds, retirement accounts, business interests, motor vehicles, and personal property (such as jewelry, electronics, home goods and furnishings, etc.). Debts commonly include: second mortgages, credit card balances, personal loans, lines of credit, student loans, and medical bills.

Whether a party intends to hire an attorney or proceed without one, it is helpful to write out the list of assets and debts with even a rough estimate of their values. Doing so allows the party and / or his or her attorney to conceptualize the marital estate and to begin to formulate potential options for a fair property settlement.

Spousal Maintenance

Spousal maintenance was formerly known as “alimony.” It is less commonly awarded now than it was in the past, but there are still plenty of situations in which spousal maintenance is appropriate. The two primary factors are the length of the marriage and the income disparity between the spouses.

If a party believes he or she may be entitled to spousal maintenance, it is helpful to begin by writing out a budget of his or her reasonable monthly living expenses. If the party is unable to meet his or her reasonable expenses, and the party’s spouse is able to contribute to them, then spousal maintenance may be appropriate.

If spousal maintenance is appropriate, it is also important to consider how long it should be paid from one spouse to the other. In a minority of cases, permanent or otherwise long-term spousal maintenance is necessary. In a majority of cases, parties agree or are ordered to exchange spousal maintenance for a limited amount of time. Sometimes the time frame includes a “step-down” approach whereby the amount of spousal maintenance decreases over time until it is no longer paid at all. It is also commonly tied to the spousal maintenance recipient’s ability to earn income, which may be expected to increase when enough time has passed for him or her to seek education or take other steps towards gainful employment.

One of the most important aspects of the spousal maintenance issue is whether the parties will agree to divest the Court of jurisdiction over the spousal maintenance issue after the divorce is final. If so, the parties’ agreement will include a Karon waiver, which prohibits the Court from modifying spousal maintenance in the future. If the parties have not agreed to a Karon waiver, then either party may petition the Court for a modification if the parties’ circumstances change.

Custody and Parenting Time

There are two types of custody: legal and physical. Legal custody relates to issues like religious upbringing, major medical decisions, and type of education. Parties often agree to share legal custody decisions and are awarded joint legal custody. In a minority of cases, sole legal custody for one parent is an appropriate resolution to this issue.

Physical custody relates to the day-to-day care of the child. Increasingly, the label of “joint physical custody” vs. “sole physical custody” has become far less meaningful than the parenting time schedule the parties are ordered to follow. Rather than focusing on the label of “joint” or “sole,” the better focus here is for a party to give serious thought to the co-parenting schedule that he or she believes is in the “best interests” of the child(ren).

Here are a few common schedules:

The parties follow a 5-2-2-5 schedule where one parent takes Mondays and Tuesdays, the other parent takes Wednesdays and Thursdays, and the parties alternate weekends (Friday through Sunday).

The parties follow a week-on / week-off schedule.
One parent provides the primary residence for the child(ren) who see the other parent every other weekend and one or two nights per week.
One parent provides the primary residence for the child(ren) who see the other parent on school breaks and for alternating holidays. This schedule is especially common when the parents do not reside in the same state.

Of course, where safety concerns or other serious issues are present, a shared custody arrangement like those described above may not be appropriate. In these cases, sole physical custody to one parent with limited visitation and / or supervised visitation by the other parent may be necessary.

Child Support

Child support is often relatively straightforward. It is based on the parties’ relative incomes and the agreed-upon or court-ordered parenting time schedule. The Minnesota Child Support Guidelines Calculator is an excellent tool for practitioners and curious parties alike: http://childsupportcalculator.dhs.state.mn.us/Calculator.aspx It provides the basis for the child support numbers the parties will work with as they attempt to resolve the various pieces of the divorce.

The three types of child support considered in any child support award are:

Basic support which is paid from one parent to the other for the day-to-day necessities of the minor child(ren)
Medical support which divides the costs of medical insurance premiums and other out-of-pocket medical costs as between the parties
Childcare support which divides the costs of childcare as between the parties

Parties may agree to deviate from the Minnesota Child Support Guidelines, but to do so they must first acknowledge the Guidelines and then assert that it is in the best interests of the children to deviate from them.

The foregoing outline is a very general and very basic representation of the potential issues parties will face as part of the dissolution process. These issues are often challenging and complex. Any party faced with a pending divorce is well-adivsed to hire an attorney to assist him or her with the process. Skillful representation is often key to insuring a fair and efficient resolution. Contact the attorneys at Williams Divorce & Family Law today to see if our firm would be a good fit for you.

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Categories : Alimony / Spousal Maintenance, Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce, General Family Law, Parenting Time

Readeo

Posted by Gerald Williams

· October 17, 2011

· 1 Comment

One way that the internet helps connect a child and a parent who do not live together is a web service called Readeo. Essentially, Readeo (www.readeo.com) is a bedtime story over the internet. Both the parent and the child can see and hear each other, and either one can turn the pages of the book they are reading.

The book-chat requires a webcam, high-speed internet, and a subscription. Through the service, users are able to access a vast book library.

For children, it’s a step beyond Skype or video chatting, because it engages children of a young age in the interaction with a family member who lives elsewhere (regardless of how far away the family member lives).

Many parents have been given the right to telephone contact or video chatting only to have their time with the child cut short because the child is bored, shy, or put on the spot. For many kids, the storytime element will boost their attention and enthusiasm for the social connection. The service is also well-suited for military families and out-of-town grandparents and other relatives.

I am hoping that anyone who has used Readeo will post a review or anecdote their experiences with the service.

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Categories : Parenting Time

How Specific Should Your Parenting Plan Be?

Posted by Gerald Williams

· May 7, 2010

· No Comments

When devising a parenting plan that will govern the parents of minor children regarding custody and parenting, some parents desire specificity, and others desire flexibility. All parenting plans have a degree of specificity, and a degree of flexibility, so the issue here is whether you prefer relatively greater specificity or relatively greater flexibility.

An example of a flexible parenting plan is one based largely on the varying work schedule of one or both parents. Because the parenting time is scheduled around work, it is not possible to set forth very far in advance the specific dates and times the children will spend with each parent. An example of a specific parenting schedule is one in which one knows right now where the child will be at 10:30am on Christmas morning of 2015. There are pros and cons to both approaches.

The terms of the parenting plan are there to be enforced, if needed. So the plan may provide many specifics that the parents do not mutually enforce, such as a firm hour for exchanges, or a specific numbers of days for each parent’s vacations with the children. The parents may vary from the written plan because both parties find such variances to be mutually acceptable. It may or may not be necessary for the parents to formally modify the plan to incorporate the changes, depending on (a) whether the change will be ongoing; and (b) whether at some point a dispute will arise about whether the variance is a “done deal” or not.

If the variance is ongoing and/or there is some likelihood of dispute in the future, the plan should be modified in writing, to memorialize the new arrangements. For some parents, to memorialize every variance would be a constant, never-ending task. So a balance must be struck between the specific aspects and the flexible aspects of the parenting plan.

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Categories : Parenting Time

Grandparent Visitation

Posted by Gerald Williams

· October 20, 2009

· 1 Comment

Generally, a grandparent’s right to see their minor grandchild is derivative of the child’s parent’s right to parenting time. That is, the maternal grandparents have access to the child during the mother’s parenting time, and the paternal grandparents have access to the child during the father’s parenting time. In most cases, grandparents do not have the separate right to their own visitation unless their child, who is the parent of the subject minor child, is deceased.

However, Minnesota law does provide for the family court to award visitation to a grandparent if the court finds that such visitation would be in the best interests of the child and would not interfere with the parent-child relationship. The statute expressly directs the court to consider the amount of personal contact between the petitioning relative and the minor child prior to the application for relief.

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Categories : Child Custody, General Family Law, Parenting Time

Overnight Parenting Time with Infants and Toddlers

Posted by Gerald Williams

· October 4, 2009

· 6 Comments

When parents have disputes about parenting time in cases involving infants or toddlers, the issue of overnights often arises. In 1999, the Minnesota Conference of Chief Judges approved a “Parental Guide for Making Child-Focused Parenting Time Decisions,” prepared by the Minnesota Supreme Court Advisory Task Force on Visitation and Child Support Enforcement.

Regarding infants and toddlers, the Guide states (as follows in italics):

Parents of infants should establish a parenting time schedule that is consistent, predictable,and routine in nature. Depending upon the noncustodial parent’s availability and caregiving history, the noncustodial parent of an infant should have short (one to three hour) but frequent (two to three times per week) parenting time during the day or early evening. As the child grows from infant to toddler and becomes more comfortable with separation from the custodial parent, the duration of parenting time should increase. For parents who live far apart, the noncustodial parent of an infant or toddler should travel to the residential area of the custodial parent. This may mean that parenting time takes place in the home of the custodial parent or in a nearby location where the child feels comfortable. It is important for parents of infants and toddlers to establish one nighttime caregiver. Overnight and extended parenting time may not be appropriate for infants and toddlers. However, children who are able to make smooth transitions between homes, or who have older sisters or brothers to accompany them on parenting time, may be comfortable with overnight and extended parenting time.

In practice, one key fact regarding this issue is whether the young child has or has not already experienced overnight parenting time. If the child has not yet transitioned to overnights, then the above recommendations are more applicable than cases in which a child has already experienced overnights at the non-custodial home. In other words, the above recommendations cannot be readily invoked to halt overnight parenting time that has already been instituted, particularly if the child is showing no signs of maladjustment to the overnight parenting time.

Another key fact in the practice of implementing parenting time with very young children is the level of cooperation that it requires between the parents to implement frequent and consistent contact between the child and the non-custodial parent. In many cases, the parents are dealing with the parenting time arrangements of an infant or toddler shortly after their breakup. While the angst and bitterness of the parents’ separation may diminish with time, in the interim, it is necessary for the parents to coordinate the parenting time arrangements in the best interests of a child whose age and developmental stage makes that particularly difficult to do.

6 Comments

Categories : Parenting Time

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